


Fears of Other-Half and Whole-Self

by NorthrenLight



Category: YiZhan, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV) RPF
Genre: Domestic YiZhan, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Happy Ending, I still cannot make tags, M/M, Mention of Cyber-Bullying, Mention of Stalking, Mild-Angst but Not Scary, Nightmare, Super Romantic and Uber Sweet, alternative universe, cuddles and snuggles, kisses and hickies, le sigh, loads of feels, loads of talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:02:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26656333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NorthrenLight/pseuds/NorthrenLight
Summary: Wang Yibo and Xiao Zhan, have both been fighting certain fears, alone and suffering silently. The reason for such unexpected decision is unknown. They would have continued to be in this pain, in all silence, if not a sudden nightmare played the role of initiator, to have them both talk and listen about it, and more.
Relationships: Wang Yi Bo & Xiao Zhan, Wang Yi Bo/Xiao Zhan, Xiao Zhan & Wang Yi Bo, Xiao Zhan/Wang Yi Bo
Comments: 10
Kudos: 52





	Fears of Other-Half and Whole-Self

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone,  
> Northern Lights from the very North of the world, once again here. This is my second YiZhan Story and I hope you guys can still be gentle with me, although it might not fall to the taste of some of you, dear readers. 
> 
> English is my fifth language and this story has no beta, only me.
> 
> Disclaimer: The story is pure fictional although characters are based on real people and some issues mentioned resemble their real lives, which are the real issues faced by almost every idol and artist around the globe too.  
> This story is only for entertainment purposes, and not as statement about their lives, relationship, personifications, images. Any similarity to another real person or their lives is a pure coincidence. 
> 
> I apologies in advance if my words in anyway would hurt or offend the sentiments of any of my readers. I mean no harm, and no disrespect.
> 
> Please message me in dms, if that would be the case, because I would happily correct my mistakes. 
> 
> Thank you for stopping by and I hope you give this story a chance, and enjoy. I look forward to your kind and constructive feedback. Please do not hesitate to leave a kind comment, or just a smile. It would mean a lot to me. 
> 
> I am not going to hold your attention any longer here. 
> 
> Enjoy the story. 
> 
> Smiles,  
> Northern Light
> 
> PS. Please do not repost, plagiarise, or translate my words and my story. Thank you.

“Wang Yibo, there is no way I would be leaving you. I am right here. I will always be. Please wake up”, pleads Xiao Zhan as he is trying to wake up a trembling and in tears Yibo, trapped in an apparent nightmare.

“You are having a bad dream again, love. Wake up!”

Xiao Zhan has had his fair shares of experiencing Yibo nightmares from time to time. However, Yibo seems to be trapped into his subconscious for a longer than usual right now, and has been struggling to come out of it, but failing.

****************************************************************

Both of them had come home last evening and met each other after a month. Xiao Zhan has is filming his new drama in a remote location, near the military bases, somewhere, and Wang Yibo is running in between several programs across the country. Of course, they keep up with each other´s lives through always updated social media platforms, they call each other daily, send video and voice notes, and type all sorts and lengths of written messages when possible. Although it is not enough or the same as being together in person, they count all these efforts and options, as the best possible thing they can have. And how can it not be? The part of the world they are living in, is constant on the move, and if they do not move with it, the risk and fear of being left behind, lost and forgotten is there.

And who wants to be left behind, lost, and forgotten?

No one.

So, they give it all to balance their lives, as much as they can. No complains or expectations. They are each other´s constant support and strength. They would give anything to find any moment possible to be together, but they do not find enough time for each other sometimes. So, most of their days and nights are spent with hearts and souls that are deeply yearning and calling for the other, with each breath they take. _“I miss yous”_ do not cover even half of the feeling they feel, but that is what most of their conversations ends at.

This is what one longing lover would always manage to say to the other, but this is also when verbal language reveals its limitations, proving that words often fail to describe the extremely felt sentiments and emotions.

Separation is agonising but that is what beautifies the meetings again, to an unimaginably delightful event.

So, whenever they can meet and can be together, God! It’s the most joyous moments of their lives.

Perfect.

They had looked forward to this weakened after this entire past month. They counted weeks, days, hours and minutes, in random count downs whenever they communicated with each other. Yesterday however, Xiao Zhan could not help to notice that both Yibo and himself were slightly lost, and completely shattered. A lot has been going on this past month, and although both of them have been facing this particular kind flow of time with never ending happenings with little good and a lot of not so good events this feeling right here, felt slightly differently. The past month has hit them harder than any other. They have been buried in work, but this did not mean that other problems and stress left them alone either. It was overwhelming them both. So, perhaps it was the last straw, before their patience gave up, and they could not bottle feelings up more than that. They are empty of energy, and at loss of words, most of the time.

No matter how strong, humans are humans, with limits.

Despite that little iffy feeling that has been vibrating in their beings, coming back home, is always entering their little piece of heaven for them. It is their little piece of heaven where they can both be free, themselves, and together. Xiao Zhan always enjoyed the transition in his senses and vibes when he enters his home. Just like always, he looked forward to seeing that transition in Yibo too, so he made sure to be there before his arrival. He saw how Yibo had looked when he entered the house, like a withered flower, tired, deprived of energy, and almost scared. Their eyes met, and then as if they mutually agreed upon something with their unconsciousness, they were averted, and smiles came into play the role of distractions instead. However, the moment Yibo hugged Xiao Zhan, he bloomed again like the most beautiful flower one had ever seen. His beautiful white peony. His smile came from the heart, to the lips and it reached his eyes, which were a bit swollen, and tired, but very delighted, nonetheless.

“Welcome home Bo-Di”, whispered Xiao Zhan kissing his cheek.

“I am home, Zhan-Ge”, replied Yibo, rubbing his nose into Xiao Zhan´s neck, inhaling his unique scent mixed with Jasmin scent that Xiao Zhan loves wearing sometimes.

This in Yibo´s opinion is scent of his home.

Xiao Zhan had also come home earlier, so he had cooked Yibo´s favourite food, and planned a massage according the articles he has been reading online ever since

Yibo had injured his foot at the set of Street dance China, and although he got the help, he needed to take care of it, Xiao Zhan was not 100% certain he would just rely on that help. He felt the need to do something to make him better again too. That is what a good life partner does, he believes.

After putting his bag aside and his shoe off, Yibo dragged him to the sofa hugged him while they sat there quietly for almost an hour, did not want to let him go. Xiao Zhan allowed to be held like this and enjoyed that silence time his beloved. Moments like this are the moments when both of them prove that they do not always need to talk. Their silence speaks to each other. No questioned asked, no answer given. There was no need for it.

Yibo finally had to let him go, to have Zhan-Ge´s home cooked dinner because his tummy suddenly rumbled, and Xiao Zhan could not stop giggling at it because for him everything Yibo does is cute sometimes. As much as Yibo dislikes to be cute sometimes, he did not protest it this time, because he was too busy eating his heart favourite cooking. He missed it dearly. Since he enjoyed his meal, he felt more generous to have Xiao Zhan his way with him and let himself led by Xiao Zhan, without any protest to the bedroom, because through the entire dinner, Xiao Zhan had explained the whole process of massage techniques he had dived himself into despite his busy schedule. He explained all the great details about how he had mastered the massage in theory from many online articles, the history of the techniques, the founders of the techniques, the origin of the founder of the techniques, and finally the techniques which he first had practiced on his own feet, and now will practice on Yibo. Yibo was sure that Xiao Zhan had become half physiotherapist by now, but he did not say it, because he knew better. Xiao Zhan was so passionate and so serious to get Yibo better, it was nothing but endearing and very adorable and that Yibo did say, because he had to.

Who would say no to this immense dedication and compassion?

Yibo definitely would not because as much as he loves to love and show love, he also loves the feeling of being loved back, and being loved by the love of his life, is the best feeling that he would ever know.

Love is the best feeling in the world.

His true love.

Once Yibo allowed the pain, after turning off the numbness that his defence mechanism chooses to protect him from the pain, so that he can keep on doing what he needs to, the massage did him good. He felt much better, and lighter. His ankle could be moved with less pain now, and he was sure that the swelling would go down more. He also felt his heart slightly getting relaxed, as Xiao Zhan kept talking, from topic to topic, telling him stories of different soldiers he met and how some wanted his autograph while others just wanted to sit and talk with him for a while.

“Zhan-Ge is loved wherever he goes”, said Yibo, eyes half-lidded, yet boring through Xiao Zhan´s soul.

Xiao Zhan gave his best and exclusive smile that he only gives to Yibo, in reply and asked,

“Sure, I do, but who loves me best?”

“Well… I do not know”, shrugged Yibo as he continued, “Who loves you best, Zhan-Ge?”

“Bo-Di loves me best”, said Xiao Zhan and pecked Yibo´s lips right after.

“Are you sure Zhan-Ge?”, asked Yibo, and despite how playfully voiced, Xiao Zhan noticed the vulnerability behind each word.

“Are you not?”, asked Xiao Zhan, tilting his head slightly to have a better look at Yibo´s face.

“I have never been so sure about anything apart from this one thing, Zhan-Ge. I love you…the MOST”, said Yibo with half-moon eyes and goofy smile that Xiao Zhan adores the most.

Xiao Zhan looked very pleased with the answer, although Yibo noticed the shade of sudden sadness and fear in Xiao Zhan´s doe eyes too. It resonated with his own emotional and mental state of mind, but he did not understand why Xiao Zhan would be like that, because his situation was getting slowly better.

_Has something new happened that he did not know of?_

_Did Xiao Zhan try to hide something from him again?_

_Are people giving him hard time again?_

He decided not to think too much and just asked.

“Zhan-Ge… You know I can see your soul, right?”, whispered Yibo as he sat up and held Xiao Zhan´s waist in his arms, circling him in his embrace.

“Of course, you can see it. You should. You are my beloved other-half, after all”, replied Xiao Zhan, putting his head gently, on Yibo´s shoulder.

“Then why would you not tell your other-half, what is eating you up slowly, Zhan-Ge…”, asked Yibo as he holds Xiao Zhan closer in his arms.

However, Xiao Zhan in his opinion is the best distracting magician, because when he asked, Xiao Zhan distracted him in most loving way possible, as the answer.

The distraction itself, was the loveliest.

He answered him with a kiss laced with force of passion, vulnerability, and need, poured through his trembling breaths, hoping that Yibo might be able to translate it all and understand.

Yibo tried to get his heart onto translation of that kiss but then…

Well. Then they both got distracted together, and they would not choose it any other way.

Translating kisses, and emotions behind them could wait.

They basked in each other´s warmth, re-learning each other again like re-reading a favourite old legend of true love story, through silent whispers and mingled breaths. Touch after touch to remind how they exist only for each other and no one else. Kiss after kiss to rekindle the flames that always glow ever so gently in their beings, in each other´s names. Their heart soared in each other´s closeness, while the souls tangled into each other like one, together, as the moon accompanied with many stars, beamed upon them, through the small partings of blinds. Who slipped into the valley of sleep first, and who entered the land of dreams, between the two, no one would know? The last thing they would remember would be that they were in each other´s embrace, held softly yet tightly, in nothing but warmth, glazed with passion and love. A reminder that this is home.

Xiao Zhan woke up with a surprise breakfast in bed, which he felt happy, surprised and slightly nervous about, because Yibo in the kitchen, could mean all sorts of things. However, after being together for nearly two years, Yibo had gotten more confident and interested in his cooking skills. Now, he actually could produce some simple dishes that are not lethal, nor deadly and no harm happens. Xiao Zhan is so happy to now have Yibo help him cook in the kitchen from time to time too.

Yibo made pancakes, which despite the variable shapes, tasted perfect. He had made coffee just the way Xiao Zhan preferred in both taste and colour, cut fresh fruit just like Xiao Zhan likes them on the side, brought marmalade, maple syrup and honey too, and in Yibo´s humble opinion, his creation of today was a perfection indeed.

Xiao Zhan on the other hand, thanked Gods and Deities for Yibo who managed it all without any injury or fire in the process. He loved that Yibo could cook more, but he loved it more when he was with him, in the kitchen. Not because he wants to be the protective mama-bear like Yibo had once called him, just to have a whole experience of Yibo´s cooking and… well, also to be a tiny bit of mama-bear too.

He tried to not look nervous, or go and check the kitchen, but still checked Yibo´s beautiful, big hands, to make sure there were no cuts.

Yibo, in return, gave him the best puppy eyes with disappointment, saying,

“I am not a child, Ge!”

“I know you are not. You are a grown man. My man. It is just that I worry Gouzaizai, because you are not used to cooking”, said Xiao Zhan in the softest morning voice ever.

Yibo pouted more, slightly unhappy, and not trusting entirely the words Xiao Zhan said, so Xiao Zhan had to hold his face in his hands as he said,

“You are too precious to me. Most precious. Vessel that holds essence of my life inside. If you hurt, I hurt.”

Do mornings make people more sentimental like late nights make people more honest?

One could wonder, because Xiao Zhan usually holds his feelings less in words, and most to the heart.

But, Ah, how he loves his Bo-Di.

Very much.

Too much.

Never enough.

Yibo beautiful almond eyes turned glassy as he stares at love of his life and tried to think what to say to such deep emotions that Xiao Zhan rarely expresses in words.

However, the deeper Yibo feelings dwell, the less his vocabulary becomes, and since he felts the deepest right now, he found no unique words to relay his sentiments back. So, he moved the tray to the side, closed the gap between them, and placed a kiss on Xiao Zhan´s forehead. Xiao Zhan looked in his eyes as if he was understanding exactly what Yibo was feeling and thinking. It made Yibo smile like thousands moons so he just whispered,   
“Zhan-Ge… DiDi ai ni”

Xiao Zhan laughed softly, and kissed his forehead in return, and after a hug that could feel like forever, they ate their breakfast in bed. Xiao Zhan ate a lot and appreciated eat bite because the breakfast was indeed delicious. Yibo could not help but to feel proud and happy. His plan was to pamper his Zhan-Ge as always and plan seemed to be working. They stayed in bed for a while before they started to do simple chores around the house, like doing dishes, doing laundry and cleaning the house, while talking about nothing and everything, giggling, teasing, and laughing.

They love morning like these. Quiet, gentle, carefree, and cozy.

It is endearing how they both sometimes are hellbent to pamper each other. Especially when they sense each other´s aches and fears right in their souls, and how can they not, they are deeply connected to each other. Other halves as Xiao Zhan had calls them. While having lunch, after stealing the entire bowl of chicken wings from Xiao Zhan, Yibo tried again to ask him why he sensed that Xiao Zhan had something on his mind, but Xiao Zhan asked the same question back. That lead to the start of one of their most favourite fights, namely,

_“But I asked first”._

Then the fight turned into battle and battle turned into… love again.

Much later, Xiao Zhan wanted to massage Yibo´s foot again, but Yibo wanted just to cuddle while watching something. However, Yibo had to give up to Xiao Zhan´s sad pout and pleading eyes because despite being perfect, the man had his weaknesses too.

Also, according to Xiao Zhan´s research, the massage needs to be done every day as he went,

“Wang Yibo! You need that massage, everyday”, argued Xiao Zhan.

  
“Oh, everyday”, Yibo smirked, “Every day is every day, like Lan Zhan?”, he asked teasingly, knowing the reaction he would get.

Xiao Zhan slapped him playfully on the shoulder, and rolled his eyes saying,

“No! every day is everyday like Xiao Zhan!”, and Yibo gave up laughing as he placed his injured foot, in Xiao Zhan´s lap.

“Please treat me carefully, Dr. Gu. I am a weak man, very injured”, said Yibo, batting his eyes playfully.

Xiao Zhan, burst into laughter embarrassed, and started to massage the ankle, saying,

“I will show you Dr. Gu! You just wait.”

“Ah! I am not sure I am ready for that, Dr. Gu. How would you heal my ankle? With your failed attempts of cheesy lines? Or with like 50 000 kisses he kisses in the novel?”, joked Yibo and closed his eyes laughing, while receiving all the slaps and tickles, shouting,

“How many kisses???”, gasped Xiao Zhan, “When did you read the novel? You think I cannot say these types of pick-up lines, han? Inspector Chen-Yu! I challenge you! Wait until my drama comes.”

“You do not need to know when I read that. Make sure you do a good job because if not, Inspector Chen-Yu might just arrest you. He takes his job seriously”, said Yibo so playfully, twitching his eyebrows, making Xiao Zhan laugh and shy at the same time, with ears and cheeks turning red.

His Zhan-Ge is so sweet.

Xiao Zhan knows that between the two of them, the master of flirting and cheese is none other than his Wang Yibo. He does not show those sides, to other but Xiao Zhan and Xiao Zhan loved it. Despite being together for almost two years, he still gets flustered and shy over these things somehow, and Yibo enjoys it thoroughly. He could not just lose this battle right now though. Shyness could wait. Pride first.

So, to fight back, he coughed a bit saying, “Catch me if you can”, and launched himself with a tickling attack, making Yibo squeal and asking for mercy.

The house echoed with their joyous laughter and playful banter for a while.

Xiao Zhan wrestled him tickling for a while and then looked serious, asking to let him do the massage. Yibo sighed, and raised his hands, as he closed his eyes.

Xiao Zhan then started to concentrate on the massage as he started to watch documentary on the TV about the rainforests in the world, and Yibo closed his eyes, listening to it and feeling Xiao Zhan´s gentle touches.

He loves to take care of others, but he loves being taken care of too. It makes him feel as an important existence to someone.

It makes him feel that he means something to someone

It makes him feel acknowledged.

Wanted.

Needed.

Appreciated.

Loved.

And it scares him to lose it all. It terrifies him the most.

Neither of them noticed when Yibo fell asleep. Wearing a white tank top, Ox necklace hanging around his beautiful ceramic vase like neck, a black basketball shorts, and with fluffy short hair, Wang Yibo looked so innocent and beautiful, like that, it tended to break Xiao Zhan´s heart sometimes. This man is his man. How blessed they were to have each other. How fortunate. The thought of not having Yibo in his life even for one second, had become the most unbearable for Xiao Zhan. Never in his life has he felt this much in love with someone. Never in his life has he been this terrified to lose someone. Those feelings over-whelm him. He fights his tears back, smiles and rains small pecks all over his beautiful lover´s face who was so relaxed and peacefully asleep.

Although waking Yibo up suddenly felt so tempting, Xiao Zhan lets him sleep, and after his massage is done, he brought a blanket, rearranged Yibo on the sofa, so that Yibo´s head on his chest just like Yibo liked, and decided to take a nap too, hugging Yibo closest to him.

To have his entire world like this, in his two arms, is the best feeling ever, in Xiao Zhan´s opinion.

He lets himself lulled by the slow and stable breathing of his Bo-Di, against his chest.

Safe. Sound. Asleep.

****************************************************************

Right now, however, Xiao Zhan is suddenly awake and shook to see Wang Yibo, sweating all over, tossing and turning, trembling and crying in his sleeping, whispering,

“It is not true. Please listen. Please listen Xiao Zhan, please”

“Yibo… Yibo… sweetheart, wake up”, Xiao Zhan tries to gently shake him, but it does not help. It is not the first time he has seen Yibo having a nightmare. Ever since they have known each other, they have been through everything together, from nightmares, to anxiety attacks, to sudden hospital visits. Yes, they are two strong men, but yes, they are also, only two humans.

“No one listens to me… please once… just once”, Yibo pleads and grabs Xiao Zhan´s shirt from the front.

“I am listening. I am listening, Bo-Di. I am right here, love. Please wake up”, says Xiao Zhan, as he pats Yibo´s cheeks, brushing the tears away.

Yibo gasps for air, tears run on his beautiful cheeks, and Xiao Zhan´s panic rises higher by the second because when he put his hand on Yibo´s chest, he notices the unstable heartbeat immediately. He hopes it is not a case of Arrythmia where he needs to rush to the hospital with him. Desperately, he keeps on calling him, and telling him to wake up. How he wishes he could go in those nightmares with Yibo and fight the demons, that trap him there, from time to time. How he wants to find a way to diminish the fears that keep lurking around his lovely Bo-Di. He cannot stand seeing Yibo, suffering in silence and in sleep.

“Zhan-Ge… you are all I have… all I ever want to have… Please”, Yibo pleads and sobs, hitting his head into Xiao Zhan´s chest repeatedly.

Nodding, Xiao Zhan hugs him, passionately and goes,

“You are all I have too, darling. There is no way I would be leaving you. I am listening. Tell me what you want to say. I will listen. I will listen to it all”

Shaking his head, Yibo mumbles something that Xiao Zhan cannot make sense of and then sounds of almost choking, starts to come from Yibo´s throat. Xiao Zhan´s heart sinks immediately. He looks around for his phone.

_Should he call 911?_

_Should he take Yibo to hospital himself?_

_Yes, he should call 911._

He looks around, mind running for ideas to figure out something but in panic, he cannot think anymore apart from an urge to shout.

This is it, thinks Xiao Zhan to himself.

With all the strength he has in his arms have, he shakes Yibo, and shouts,

“WANG YIBO. WAKE UP. WAKE UP FOR YOUR ZHAN-GE! WAKE UP!”

And with a jolt Yibo opens his eyes and shucks a breath, staring at Xiao Zhan with nothing but a very wild gaze in his eyes. As if he is awake but still held back by the nightmare, he has been trapped in. He squeezes his eyes close, and then open them, and squeezes them again, as if he is making sure that what he sees is real or not. His hand rises up, to cup Xiao Zhan´s face from the right side, and Xiao Zhan stops breathing, looking at Yibo.

“Ge...Ge?”, questions Yibo, eyes staring up and down at Xiao Zhan. Xiao Zhan puts his hand on top of Yibo´s that is on his cheek, squeezing it to reassure Yibo that he is here. All he could muster up to say was,

“Mn”, nodding slowly and not moving his eyes away from Yibo´s eyes. 

“You are here? You came back to me?”, asks Yibo in disbelief.

Nodding his head vigorously, Xiao Zhan reassures him, “Yes. Yes. I am here”

“Oh…”, is all Yibo says, while he looks around to understand where he is right now. He is still too shocked to make the sense of his reality and Xiao Zhan sees it. So, he sits there, until he knows Yibo is ready to talk more.

“Oh...Xiao… Zhan…”, calls Yibo in a voice so shattered and aching, and this time Xiao Zhan could not help to feel that his name sounds like the most painfully uttered words he has ever heard.

“Yes, Yibo”, replies Xiao Zhan, trying to swallow down all the pain.

“Do not leave. Please. I… I am trying to fix things. I am working so hard to fix things”, is all he manages to say before he hides his face in Xiao Zhan´s neck and breaks down.

Seeing Yibo awake yet having him in so many pieces, Xiao Zhan finally let’s go of his own guards, and lets his eyes shed the tears he held in all this time too.

 _Exactly what is he fixing? What happened?_ Xiao Zhan wants to ask, but he decides to wait. Instead, he holds him in his strong arms, hoping that would help for now.

“Why would I leave you, silly man. I love you so much. What made you think this way?”, asks Xiao Zhan, voice broken and heart in pain.

“They… they are making things up Xiao Zhan. I did not do anything to harm you. I love you. I would not. Zhan-Ge I would not”, criess Yibo, clinging tightly to him.

And it hits Xiao Zhan. All the rumours, speculations, cyber-attacks and cyber-bullying that has been happening to Yibo had taken the toll of Yibo. No matter how busy, both Xiao Zhan and his team has been keeping an eye on both national and international social media platforms, for various reasons. Of course, because of that he is also aware of what Yibo has been going through despite Yibo almost never mentioning it to him. Their names are always linked together in both positive and negative manners, everywhere. It has been too much, and knowing Yibo, he knew he would never be the one talking about it to him, first. Xiao Zhan is aware that Wang Yibo´s stalkers stalking him everywhere, in his car, in the hotels, at the sets. Hence, he has been taking serious measures against it all, from writing and requesting on Weibo, strict security like more bodyguards, having Yue-Hua making legal statements to take some cyber-bullies and stalkers to the court. These measures should have put an end to some of the problems, yet here they are.

Continuously facing undeserving hate, pain and struggles. How could an artist, who is packed with his schedule, working day and night also fix this mess, all on his own? Why should an artist be facing all that at first place? In which world is it normal to be harassed, bullied, and stalked day and night? They are continuously being deprived of having a basic freedom to live a normal life like a human does. There is no logic, nor sense, in Xiao Zhan´s opinion.

Wang Yibo is known for being strong and brave man.

Still, no one comes out of a storm, unscratched and Yibo is constantly in the eye of the storm.

“I trust you”, whispers Xiao Zhan as he runs his hands up and down on Yibo´s back. He notices how much Yibo has been sweating because his shirt a wet and sticky. His soul aches and he want to scream because to see Yibo´s agony cuts him the deepest. He moves one hand to Yibo´s necks and moves it slowly to sooth the tension gathered there, away.

“I trust you”, he whispers again.

“You do?”, questions Yibo in a tiny voice, and Xiao Zhan suddenly wants to shout at the entire world that has been too unfair to his strongest Yibo, to the point where he is being in pain, this scared and all alone. He feels the rage, rushing through his blood, and his mind is full of thought. Yet, now is not the time to act upon anger. Now he has to calm his Bo-Di.

“Yes, my love. I do. I do, so tell me, what is going on? What are you trying to fix, all alone?”, replies Xiao Zhan, as he places a kiss on the side of Yibo´s head.

“Some people Zhan-Ge… They have been making all sorts of wrong and hateful stories about both you and I. About all we showed, was fake friendship and fan service. That we actually hate each other and are competitors against each other. That we are harmful existences for each other. The fake rumours, fake affairs, bad and ugly names they call us, out there, Zhan-Ge. They are always chasing after us. It hurts. Do they think it does not hurt us? Do they ever put themselves in our shoes and think before they type it all and spread around the world? Are we not humans in their eyes Zhan-Ge? Do… do you know all that?”, says Yibo, slowly punching the cushion on the side, and Xiao Zhan listens to it all. Yibo then moves away from Xiao Zhan, waiting for reply almost dreading. 

“I… know…”, is all Xiao Zhan manages, and Yibo sobs, in agony, suddenly whispering,

“There is no place I can breathe freely. No place where I can hide, from them all. Why can they not leave me alone? Why can they not leave us alone, Zhan-Ge?”

“I… do not know, Bo-Di… I…”, trying to gather his emotions and thoughts together, this is all Xiao Zhan manages to say before, Yibo suddenly in a state of panic looks at him and shouts,

“Help. Can you hide me, Zhan-Ge? All those people… all those eyes… hide me, please. They laugh at me like this… they… hide me!”

And Xiao Zhan´s heart suddenly feels like it is about to stop. His chest feels stuffy, and he think he cannot breathe anymore. Yibo, is not a presence that likes being hidden. He is made for stage, to shine there. Visible to everyone, and everyone visible to him. He is an artist who enjoys having eyes on him and makes sure he has eyes on him. Not the eyes that are on him filled with negativity, no. Not them. He never asked for this attention nor deserves. Right now, however, he just wants to hide not only from the wrong kind of eyes, but all eyes in general and Xiao Zhan wants to cry his eyes and heart out.

Without realising, his hands suddenly move on their own, and he opens the zip of his over-sized hoodie, and goes,

“Here, hide here, Yibo. I will hide you from all of them. Come here”

Yibo lungs forward and smashes his face against Xiao Zhan´s chest, and Xiao Zhan covers him, with his hoodie, folding it from the both sides over his back and head, as much as possible.

“There. You are safe now. I will keep you safe here and will not let anyone see you. You are at your home with me, my love. I will not anyone harm you. Hide here my Bo-Di.”

“You… yyy…you promise?”, asks Yibo trembling in Xiao Zhan´s arms.

“I promise”, says Xiao Zhan so sure and determined, he solidify his answer by tightening his arms around Yibo even more, as he drags him into his lap.

Yibo tries to normalise his breathing, but struggles with it, so he remains hidden, listening to Xiao Zhan´s soothing voice, repeating same words, again and again.

It takes Yibo a while to stop trembling, and it takes Xiao Zhan a while to recover from the shock Yibo just gave him too. 

“G…Ge…”, he hears Yibo stuttering.

“Yes?”, replies Xiao Zhan.

“Zhan-Ge… Zhan-Ge!”

"Breath slowly with me. Just like I am", says Xiao Zhan and inhales and exhales hoping that Yibo does that too. After a short time, Yibo follows and all they do is, inhale and exhale, and Xiao Zhan thinks it is a good start. A tiny baby step towards a better feeling Yibo. 

"Ge...", Yibo calls for him quietly. 

“Mn. It’s me… are you feeling a bit better?”

“Yes”, replies Yibo and then goes quiet again. 

Xiao Zhan keeps running his hand up and down Yibo´s back, keeping his calm, and singing the soothing prayers, his grandma has taught him, in his gentle voice. He suddenly thought of all those times when he would get scared, run to his grandma who would hug him to sleep, singing them, softly. He never thought he needed them in his life, but hey! Life always happens when you expect it the least.

“Why… why people do not treat us like people, Zhan-Ge?”, mumbles Yibo against his chest, after a while.

Xiao Zhan shares the same sentiments and agrees to it all Yibo has said thus far, with pain and misery. All of these months, he has been wondering about the same things and more. Of course, he is grateful for all the support he has ever gotten, but some people have crossed the line and gone way beyond it, to the point where even a person like Xiao Zhan has to get out of his comfort-zone to confront, again and again. He has questioned himself similar questions everyday too. Questions like,

_“Am I not a human to them?”_

_“Because I am an artist, am I not human anymore?”_

_“How can humans, dehumanise another human, and treat a human like a product?”_

_“Where is my freedom?”_

“All I ever want is to be treated is nothing more than a human. All you ever want is to be treated as a human too. All we ever want is to live our lives just like everyone else. It is our right to live our lives, Xiao Zhan. Why are they trying to deprive us of it? What are we doing wrong here?”, whispers Yibo, and Xiao Zhan cannot help but to smile a very sad smile.

_“What are we doing wrong here, indeed?”_

“We are not doing anything wrong. People somehow have decided that idols are… industrial products and public properties that they could somehow own. It is not true. We are humans”, says Xiao Zhan, kissing over Yibo´s which is covered under Xiao Zhan´s hoodie.

“Then… then why?”, asks Yibo.

The first response to this question is anger that his mind registers. Anger that rages through Xiao Zhan because of all the unfairness he has seen, experienced and still are fighting against. He does not give in to this anger though. Instead, he inhales and exhales, to calm his mind.

Now is not the time to be angry.

“I think these people who treat us this way are selfish, heartless, manipulative, manipulated, and greedy. I do not think these see us as humans. We are business and profit to some and to some others, we are their ego boosts, emotional attachments, obsessions, punching bags, and shields they can use, to fight and spread their own personal agendas and misery. They want us to fit in their expectations and wishes, and that is all they want. What we want? How we feel? What we say? They do not care and would not listen. It is quite sad if you think of them this way, though. The think they are making, others suffer in our names for us, or us suffer, but in reality, they are the ones who are suffering themselves. They are suffering themselves the most”, replies Xiao Zhan, as he reaches inside his hoodie to caress Yibo´s sweaty, sticky hair. He aches to see how scared and anxious Yibo must have been to finally break out in sweats in his sleep like this. 

“But… This is so unfair… this is so hurtful. What did we do to deserve that Zhan-Ge? We are artists. Free spirits. Following our hearts and working hard, day and night to make our dreams come true. There is nothing wrong in being blessed with talent and get the chance from life to unleash it, or is it wrong? Is it wrong to want and need to be with people we love? They do not even think when they risk our lives and all we have, in few sentences and pictures they suddenly post somewhere and spread. We have sacrificed so much to be here. How are they even humans? Sometimes… sometimes… all this mess gets me Xiao Zhan, and it is terrifying. I cannot… I just cannot…”, replies Yibo, clutching Xiao´s tank top, on his chest.

“Wang Yibo… can I see your face?”, asks Xiao Zhan gently.

“No…”

“Please”

“It is swollen, sweaty and not nice to look at right now”, mumbles Yibo and Xiao Zhan feels the pout of Yibo´s lips right above his heart, that turns in the chest with nothing but love.

“Awww, my darling heart. To me, you are always beautiful. Always perfect. Please let me see your face. You can hide again if you want. Just let me see once so I can feel better, because I got scared too”, says Xiao Zhan, chiding him gently.

Yibo stays still for a while, and then slowly pokes his head and eyes through the hoodie he has been hiding under before he comes out completely. Eyes and nose are red and puffy, cheeks all wet, and entire face so very sad. Xiao Zhan´s entire being fills with pain, when he sees him like that. Yibo still does not look at him.

“Look at me, Bo-Di”, says Xiao Zhan, wiping Yibo face with his hands, ever so gently, as if Yibo is made of glass.

Yibo shakes his head, twisting the corners of hoodie, biting his lips, nervously.

“Look at your Zhan-Ge! He is right here, hm?”, request Xiao Zhan, coaxing him in the softest voice he could find within in.

Slowly, Yibo raises gaze and looks in Xiao Zhan eyes, terrified and embarrassed.

Xiao Zhan smiles at him with no judgement and so much love in his eyes making Yibo lost in them. He stares in them without moving, trying to believe what he sees, and telling his heart that this is truth. This is real.

“There you are. My most wonderful, Bo-Di. Hi”, says Xiao Zhan, cupping Yibo´s face in his hand.

“Hi”, whispers Yibo, as if talking suddenly is too painful for him.

“Do you… see me? I am right here. In our home, with you”, says Xiao Zhan.

“I… I see… I am sorry. I do not know why… I ended up having a nightmare. I was so happy to be with you. I was feeling so safe and at peace, Zhan-Ge”

Xiao Zhan looks at him for a while, weighs his thoughts, before he says,

“There is nothing to be sorry about. Sometimes our fear demons wait until we are in our safest place and attack us when we are off-guard. We cannot always keep them at the bay, and they would need to come out. You know, demons need to get out, in the light so they can disappear for ever. Light shatters them”

“Still… I am sorry… I do not know why this happens in so much worst way when I am with you”, whispers Yibo in a low voice, filled with sadness.

“Maybe because your mind thought it is safe enough to take it all out because you are with me. You have faith in me, and your brain agreed. We have been battling it all constantly Bo-Di. It is OK to not be OK. No shame in that”, Xiao Zhan assures him, caressing his hands, and holding them in his hands.

“I am not weak… I…”

“Bo-Di! sometimes, you just have to be human. We are not weak, but we are not made of titanium either. Have you forgotten past months and all the times; I have gone through emotional rollercoasters? I barely let you be alone. I was not cool or OK then, and you told me that it was OK. That it was OK to just be human. You never let me think I was weak. You told me it was all natural.”

“Can I kiss you?”, asks Yibo unexpectedly and in a rush, blinking his eyes too fast.

“Since when have you started to ask me that?”, asks Xiao Zhan, a bit surprised.

“Since… well I… I did ask you when I confessed, remember?”, replies Yibo, who is seemingly going through his memory as he is talking. Xiao Zhan takes it as a sign of Yibo feeling better and is fighting his unnecessary embarrassment at the same time. So, he plays along.

“And what did I reply back then?”, he asks.

“You… you… I think you just kissed me”, says Yibo and the very next thing he knows is, he is being kissed, again.

Xiao Zhan kisses him, and Yibo replies to that kiss by kissing him back, with yearning, with longing, and desperation that he feels from all the fear he has been carrying in his heart. They kiss and they kiss again until they have to stop, and Yibo, he looks amazed.

“Whaaa… You are really here, Zhan-Ge!”, says Yibo, and Xiao Zhan lets the laughter finally make its way through his lips. 

“I would not ever want to be, anywhere else”, says Xiao Zhan and stamps his statement with kisses on Yibo´s tired and red eyes that have cried so much, his swollen nose, his poufy cheeks, and his forehead. At the end he pecks his lips again as he says, “I belong here. With you.”

“I am just…”, Yibo glances at Xiao Zhan before he looks down again and continuous, “I am just… scared and tired. Scared, sick and tired”

Xiao Zhan moves gently away from Yibo, holds Yibo´s chin with his hands and whisper,

“There is nothing wrong with that, darling heart. If you do not mind it though, would you like to tell me? What does terrify you the most? What did you see in your nightmare?”

Yibo looks around for a while, clutches his hands at Xiao Zhan´s shoulder blades, and start talking slowly,

“I am terrified to lose you. I am constantly fearing that in any moment, I might lose you”

Xiao Zhan sense his eyes filled with warm liquid again. That would terrify him too. That would have his heart stop beating too and shatter his soul. He knows that fear. He has this fear.

“Is that what you saw in the nightmare?”, asks Xiao Zhan, voice too thick.

“I… I saw… you… you were really angry, crying and… and… shouting at me. You said you have had enough, and you could not take it anymore. I tried to talk but at first, I could not find my voice. I tried to grab your arm, but my hand just… just… went through you… it was as if… as if I was a ghost. And then… I slowly started to have a voice, but then… then you”, his lips tremble, and Xiao Zhan kisses him, wipes away his tears, urging to continue talking. 

“You would not listen. No, matter what I did, I could not hold you or get you to listen to me. You just left me. There were so many eyes… and so many people… laughing at me… screaming at… following me… but I… I ran after you, I kept calling your name, but you would not listen or return”, a sob escapes from Yibo rose petal lips, and Xiao Zhan drags Yibo to his chest, crushing him in his arms, trying to keep himself together.

Nightmares are horrible but separation from the one you love sounds even worst.

No one is ever prepared to live a nightmare like that.

Never.

“Wang Yibo, I would never leave. Damn it… I would not even be able to leave you even if one day you ask me to leave you. I just would not”, says Xiao Zhan fiercely.

“Even if your… your family, or friends, or company or some other people ask you to? Have you seen things online? All those… those… rumours and conflicts?”, asks Yibo, rubbing his head to seek Xiao Zhan heart in his chest, and once he hears the heartbeat, he places his ear there, hoping it would calm him and heal him.

“Yes. My communication assistant has been informing me of all sorts of thing. It is very troubling”, replies Xiao Zhan and lets a long sigh escape from his lips, and then he continuous, “But no. Nothing will make me leave you. Not even you can make me leave you. Not even I can make me leave you”

“Why would you not be able to make yourself leave?”, asks Yibo, in a very quiet voice.

Xiao Zhan moves Yibo to see his face again, as he goes,

“How can I leave my other-half, Yibo? I know we have a lot to be living on with if something happens and we separate our ways. I know we are strong and determined persons, who value life too much, but how would life be the same? I would be in half, Yibo. I would not be able to feel this whole again”, and caress delicate features of Yibo´s face with his artistic fingers.

  
Yibo stares at him, straightens his back, and without moving from Xiao Zhan´s lap, reaches for the glass of water on the table, from earlier. However, his hand trembles as he tries to bring it near his mouth. Xiao Zhan smiles fondly, wraps his hand strongly around Yibo´s hand and helps him to drink water. He then bows his head and collect his thought and word together, as he reaches for Xiao Zhan´s left hand. Xiao Zhan waits for him to talk. He knows Yibo needs time, to think and rethink a lot when he gets emotionally misplaced.

Yibo clears his throat, looks right through Xiao Zhan´s eyes, gives a broken-heart smile and goes,

“I am strong Xiao Zhan and I love my life, but I do not think… I do not even think that half of me, without you would be able to live properly again. I know some people do not care of how big of a loss I would have if I lose you. I thought, I could fight all hate and toxicity, but would never recover from losing you. The whole me will mourn forever. Still, I cannot be selfish. I want to be, but I cannot. I would not burden you, although I would be shattered without you. Just promise me one thing. If our struggles and burdens become too heavy for you to carry and you would want to leave, I would understand. I would probably die inside, but I would understand. Just… be honest, talk to me and listen to me before you walk out of my life. Losing you is my biggest worst fear, and the second worst is, you not listening to me. You, will listen right?”

Xiao Zhan smiles and cries at the same time because Yibo, is not known for being talkative but once he does talk, he makes it count. From how he laid his heart out just now shows how deep his love for Xiao Zhan is. Anyone would assume Yibo to be young, cold, and possessive but here he is. Selfless and vulnerable, telling that his soul might be ripped apart if they part their ways, yet he would understand.

Xiao Zhan pushes Yibo down so that he lies back on the sofa again and puts his head on Yibo´s chest. Yibo freezes for a while before he lets his arms move and circle over Xiao Zhan back.

“Zhan-Ge…”, he calls him carefully as if almost scared for what Xiao Zhan might be suddenly thinking.

“I love you so much and I am not leaving you. Yes, I will always talk, and I will always listen. Who listens to you more than me anyway? Where are you planning to go after leaving me, han? I am not going anywhere. Do you hear me?”, says Xiao Zhan as he pokes his finger on Yibo´s chest with every word he says.

A tiny smile splits through Yibo´s lips, but Xiao Zhan cannot see. Xiao Zhan´s words balm hi soul slowly. He rubs a hand on the back of Xiao Zhan´s neck.

“Hey! That is true. No one listens to me more than my Zhan Zhan”, says Yibo and pulls Xiao Zhan´s cheek. Xiao Zhan, however, is not in the mood to be teased.

“Have you been having those nightmares a lot recently?”, asks Xiao Zhan in a sad voice, and Yibo has no option but to say,

“Mn”

“Why did you not tell me? I could have been on the phone call with you for whole night if you needed, and slept with camera on, like you do for me sometimes. I could have been more actively in touch with you… I could have perhaps come to you”, asks Xiao Zhan, sounding very upset.

“You were stressed, busy and worried already. Too much on your plate, plus you could not sleep on the call with me at night because you were filming dramas and commuting by cars and trains, Ge”, replies Yibo as he combs his beautiful long finger through Xiao Zhan´s hair, and Xiao Zhan closes his eyes to his most favourite touch.

Yibo´s touch.

“You know that if you talk, I would listen. You know that I am willing to walk through your nightmares with you, if you need it. You have gone through so much with me. You walked through my living nightmares with me. You have been there, and I remember when I told you to distant yourself from me earlier this year, because I was afraid how harmful it would be for you, you fought with me for days, Yibo. You were furious and you fought until I gave in”

“That is different, Zhan-Ge!”, Yibo tries to argue.

“It is not different Wang Yibo”, argues Xiao Zhan, sitting up Yibo´s belly, looking at him with nothing but seriousness written on his face, and continuous.

“It IS not. Our reasons, factors, and break outs of stress and fears might be different, yes. However, fears are fears. Stress is stress. Pain is pain. No comparisons possible or needed. You said we shall complement each other and not think of being equals, I agree. However, we are in this together, regardless of complementing or being equal. No matter what kind of situation I am in, if you are in the similar one, I want you to talk to me, because I want to know, and I will listen. I am your partner, Yibo. Your other half. Do not keep me shelter from it all. Let me walk through the darkness with you like you did and still do”

Yibo bites his lips and looks to the side, looking through the window, looking at the soft sunrays, and all shades of sunset, announcing the evening time. He then looks at Xiao Zhan face, notices the dark circle and a few dry patches on his forehead, and under his left cheekbone.

_Look at him. Telling me to talk to him, while hiding it all inside himself, sheltering me from it. He needs to practice what he preaches, this Ge-Ge!, thinks Yibo to himself._

He then decides to counter it all. Enough about him.

“We are partners. We are other halves”, repeats Yibo.

“Yes”, replies Xiao Zhan fiercely, ready to fight back for any other reason Yibo might be thinking to argue further with.

“Then Zhan-Ge… what are you hiding from me? What demons are you trying to fight alone, right now? You should know this too. When you hurt, I hurt too.”

Xiao Zhan freezes for a while completely.

He feels like he has finally been caught.

Yibo repeated his words back at him. 

He did not expect this.

It is a defeated battle now, and Xiao Zhan sees that the best option is to surrender right now.

Sighing his doubts away, he smiles melancholically and whispers,

“It seems like you and I have been fighting the same demons, darling. You have been suppressing them and fighting in nightmares. I have been bottling them up and fighting them in every spare time day and night I had, which also is similar to nightmares, only in shorter intervals, with eyes open”

“What… what do you mean Zhan-Ge?”, asks Yibo half confused and half scared.

“I… Yibo I… am also very scared to lose you. I have always been. Too precious things, no matter how safely guarded, tend to be snatched or stolen, Yibo. My life has been turned upside down. The battle I fought, and you fought with me, sometimes seems never-ending although I know it will end. Still, I cannot help but to fear that one day… you might be forced or decide to leave me because my life is too chaotic to be a part of”, says Xiao Zhan looking suddenly so unsure, it hurts Yibo even more.

“Have I not proven your fears wrong yet, Ge?”, asks Yibo as he tries to sit up, but Xiao Zhan presses him down again, and puts his forehead right in the middle of Yibo´s chest, inhaling and exhaling Yibo´s unique scent before he whispers,

“You and I both have proven a lot of things wrong, to show how worthy and meant to be we are of each other and for each other, but fear is fear. When I read what is going on online, the rumours and baseless theories. When I hear people talking about you. You and someone else with you… when I see how… so many people better than me with similar interests like yours are chasing after you and so many are then supporting those people with you, and not you and I together for the reasons that are purely their own… When I see people call one of us problematic for the other in so many ways. The names and blames. All that and more, it… hurts. It makes me terrified. Sometimes, I feel it is selfish of me to have you in my life. Other times I want to shout at the world and ask them, why they decide who we should be loving and not loving. How is this a crime? Then I call the Karma and know they will get it all back and more. But… What if one day you get sick of it all and you… You leave me… what if…”

“Not happening”, replies Yibo in a tone that reminds Xiao Zhan of Lan Zhan suddenly.

“It could, Yibo”, stresses Xiao Zhan.

“Never. Happening!”, states Yibo with voice laces with nothing but iron clad promises.

"What if we can never be together in public again? I know you want that. I know you hate hiding"

"I have a home with you right here. I do not mind being here with you for the rest of my life. Our families and friends can come and be with us here too. People who genuinely love me, know what are you to me. I never faked it, or tried to hide it. Rest of the public does not matter in this matter", replies Yibo sounding 50 years maturer than his age, utterly doubtless.

“Wang Yibo”, shouts Xiao Zhan in desperation and pain that he has been holding in all those weeks if not months. God, he too has been terrified, and troubled. Praying to God for Yibo´s safety and well-being, and begging God for letting him keep Yibo even if that means everything else is taken away from him. He has been scared to death. He has.

“Xiao Zhan", Yibo calls him in the most gentle voice he could find in him. He see the man he loves, scared to lose him, he sees the same fear, and he tries to pacify Xiao Zhan´s trembling heart, with the clearest wording, he could find.  
  
"What you fear, Xiao Zhan is never happening. I love you. I am committed and loyal to you. I have no interest in what people think about that. I never think about who people choose as their life-partners, I am certainly not picking one for them, and they better stay out of my business. Whatever people think, believe and want, is on them. This is my life. I choose you. It does not matter what stress, fear, pain or misery comes with it, I choose you”, argues Yibo and to make his point clears, he rises up slowly, without letting Xiao Zhan go and repeats again, “I, Wang Yibo, choose you”.

“Yibo…”, a trembling voice, carrying a very scared soul, too visible to the naked eye of his beloved. Xiao Zhan realises that he needed to hear that. Not because he doubts Yibo´s commitment or love, for him but because to fight the fear demon, he needed Yibo by his side as well. They needed to fight this battle together too. 

Yibo holds Xiao Zhan in his arms, as he goes,

“I have faith in us. I request. Please, do not doubt me, Zhan-Ge!”

“Then why did you doubt me? I have faith in us too, so why did you?”, asks Xiao Zhan and Yibo can hear both complain and pain.

“I am sorry, I was fighting my doubts and fears alone. They all got mixed up and messed up. Hence it attacked me like a nightmare. I do not doubt your love, but like you said. Fear is fear”

“I am sorry too… What was I thinking… sheltering you from things we have already known and fighting against? Fear is stupid. This is… stupid… We should have talked about this. Why did we suddenly choose to suffer in silence? This is not worse than many other things, we faced. We should have just… talked. Then you would not have those nightmares and I would not have been slowly dying inside every now and then. We are such fools”, says Xiao Zhan and weakly punches in Yibo chest out of frustration.

Yibo sighs in agreement. He also does not understand why they, whom have been talking about literally anything and everything daily, have gone through much hell and back, then the present situations, suddenly unconsciously decided to be terrified and anxious, all alone. Human psychology, in Yibo´s opinion is some guessed, some understood but mostly mysterious.

“Mn. I do not know how we mutually decided not to talk about these things, but we cannot always find reasons for the things we do. Maybe it is also because we love and care so much, we decided to save each other from some parts of the miseries were dealing with. It does not matter, because we still manage to sort it out, no? But yeah, we are fools. Fools in love”, replies Yibo in a sudden smiling voice, hoping that it would brighten Xiao Zhan´s mood. Xiao Zhan raises his head, lets Yibo wipe his tears, as he speaks,

“Promise me, you will talk to me about it all from now on. Promise me, Yibo. Wake me up if you are having nightmare, talk to me no matter where I am if something is hurting you this much. If I cannot be with you at once, I would be with you as soon as I can. Promise me”

“I promise, if you also promise me the same things”, replies Yibo smiling at his most beloved person in the universe.

“I promise, Yibo”, replies Xiao Zhan, meaning each word.

“I promise too, Xiao Zhan”, says Yibo, raising his right hand, bringing his pinkie finger up, and Xiao Zhan locks his pinkie finger to make one of the most important promise in their relationship ever.

Xiao Zhan lets a broken laughter out and kisses Yibo on his neck, and Yibo begins to rock him slowly in his arms.

“I… Xiao Zhan, choose you”, whispers Xiao Zhan, breath tickling on Yibo´s skin, and then giggles, “This sounds like a wedding vow, no?”

“I cannot wait to get married to you, Xiao Zhan”, whispers Yibo, kissing his ear, again, his side of the face, he hair.

“I feel like we have been married for like forever”, replies Xiao Zhan, playing with the strap of Yibo´s tank top.

“In all previous lives, and all lives to follow”, agree Yibo, hugging his man harder to his chest.

“Mnhm”

“Gosh. This was not even the plan, Xiao Zhan. I had planned this weekend all so well. This is not great”

“You do not always have to be great, Yibo. It is OK to be vulnerable and sensitive with your partner too”, says Xiao Zhan as he places a kiss on Yibo´s chin.

Yibo looks down at Xiao Zhan´s face and smiles,

“You are right”

They sit like this for a while until, minds randomly running through thoughts, and heart beating next to each other, calmer than ever. Xiao Zhan looks at the clock and asks,

“What time is your interview tomorrow?”

“It is not interview, GeGe. It is a photoshoot”, replies Yibo calmly.

“A what?”, asks Xiao Zhan, shocked. Almost terrified.

“A photoshoot Ge, why are you so scared, suddenly?”

“Wang Yibo… you have so many hickies visible, all over you and you are having a photoshoot?”, screams Xiao Zhan, completely scandalised.

“Well, you have them too”, argues Yibo, almost laughing at Xiao Zhan´s mortified face.

He is too cute to be true.

“I do not have a photoshoot, and mine are not so visible, but… O My God”, replies Xiao Zhan, who is now panicking and slapping Yibo on his shoulders, with a face turning from pale to golden, golden to pink and pink to red. Yibo bursts into laughter, and Xiao Zhan as a protest, removes himself from his lap, and stands up, pouting angrily.

Yibo observe it all and decides that he loves all those colour contrast, and all of the mood changings on this man.

Shrugging his shoulder, he also rises from the sofa as he goes,

“They better have concealers with like mother of maximum coverage. Besides, I think it is good that some people would see some hickies on me here and there. They would not chase me then. They would know that I am already married, to a giant bunny with some beastly qualities”, and runs towards the bedroom.

Xiao Zhan gasps, and runs after Yibo, screaming,

“Wang Yibo! Do not run with your foot injured and what did you just call me? Giant Bunny with beastly qualities? I will show you the beastly qualities come here!”, and takes his hoodie off, shouting, “So how would you explain these marks on me, then. Look at this giant hickey! haan?”

Yibo now is laughing so loud, because after sorting through his feelings with Xiao Zhan, talking and listening to each other, he is feeling light like a feather. The demon of fear seems to have disappeared. He runs towards bathroom, and shouts back,

“I call them counter-attack, dear giant bunny with beastly qualities”

Before he reaches bathroom though, Xiao Zhan captures him in his long arms, laughing with Yibo, with nothing but delight and contentment in his eyes, saying,

“You are such a pest, but I love you so much”

“You are nothing but perfect, and I love you more”, replies Yibo, with gaze softer than cotton buds.

“I love you the most”, says Xiao Zhan, nudging his nose on Yibo´s nose.

“I love you… infinity x infinity”, replies Yibo and Xiao Zhan giggles at this silly reply which nonetheless is stated as the truth.

“Come! Let us give you a bath because you are sweaty and stinky”, says Xiao Zhan, and leads him towards the bathroom. He fills the tub with warm water and puts bubble bath and essential oil in the water. Once Yibo sits in the tub, filled with bubbles, Xiao Zhan, sits on the corner of the tub, rubbing the sponge on Yibo´s back, Yibo sighs and starts talking again.

“You know a friend, she sent me this joke, after I told her about how we have some conflicts between some of our fans and couple fans. I found it hilarious and accurate. It is like this… let me remember… ah! A divorced man and a divorced woman got married with each other. Both of them had children from previous marriages too. Later, they got children from this marriage as well. So now they had both stepchildren and their own children, all under the same ceiling. One day the wife came running to the husband, shouting, *Husband! Husband! Your children and my children are hitting OUR children*.”

Throwing his head back, Xiao Zhan laughs so hard, it brings tears to his eyes.

“Oh God! This is so accurate. So, this is how we should talk about this issue from now on. Every time I hear something, I will say the same lines. Husband! Husband! Your children and my children are hitting OUR children”, says Xiao Zhan and Yibo lets a small laughter out with a tremble from the earlier anxiety. It does not stop him from indulging further as he looks back, and asks,

“Husband?”

Xiao Zhan places the sponge on the side, kisses Yibo´s cheeks and confirms,

“Husband.”

Yibo smiles like the thousand suns have suddenly split through the clouds, and Xiao Zhan beams back at his most favourite face. He does not even notices, an arm, reaching from the foam dragging him into the tub. All he gets time for is a shrike and next thing he knows is, he is all soaked in the tub, his clothes still on, with a gremlin laughter to be heard, in the background. For some reasons, he cannot find it in himself to be mad about it. He loves this man, too much, so much and he is allowed to do all those little cheeky things that no one else would be allowed to do to him.

“I am not going to have such relaxing bath all alone, husband. We both deserve it”, states Yibo as he tries to take Xiao Zhan´s tank-top off.

Sighing, Xiao Zhan raises his arms, allowing Yibo to undress him. 

“And later Zhan Zhan… let us put hair masks and sheet masks on. I got them from some brands I endorse. I will put some of them in your suitcase too. Use them regularly, OK?”

“I am not having a photoshoot tomorrow, my dear _**beauty blogge**_ r”, teases Xiao Zhan, with the same tease he had used once, during an interview somewhere when they were promoting The Untamed. 

Yibo pinches his side, making him squeal, retorting with the teasing phrase he had then said back to Xiao Zhan, saying,

“You need it more than me, my _**old cow that eats fresh grass**_ ”, and both laugh, louder than each other, while hugging, hitting, and kissing each other at the same time, with no doubt and no fear this time, in their beings.

When they are in bed, after dinner and the entire beauty regime from head to toe that Xiao Zhan had to go through with Wang Yibo because that is apparently what married life should be like, according to Yibo, they are ready for bed. Yibo walks to the bed, lies on his side, and pat the place in front of him, looking at Xiao Zhan. Xiao Zhan smiles, lies on his side too, facing Yibo. They smile at each other, and let the eyes talk to each other while they simply let themselves exist in each other´s presence so fearlessly and lovingly.

“Xiao Zhan… I know what you mean with being other halves, I get this theory and I do not disagree in a way but I… but I think we are slightly different”, says Yibo, playing with Xiao Zhan´s delicate hands.

“Oh? How so?”, asks Xiao Zhan, already looking forward to Yibo´s rare analysis of famous theory. Yibo does not read as much as Xiao Zhan, and he has no time to philosophy certain aspects of life and world, but he is one of the most intelligent and deep-thinking person Xiao Zhan knows of.

“I think, you and I, we are two, whole persons, and not half. We are two whole persons, who perfectly become one”.

Xiao Zhan heart turns in his chest, and thuds against his ribcage, ready to burst. This is his Wang Yibo, his strong, old soul that thinks too deep, but share rarely. God, how intelligent his beloved is.

“Wang Yibo stop making me fall for you more, this very instant. I am already so much in love with you”, whispers Xiao Zhan, inching closer to Yibo.

Smiling, Yibo closes rest of the distance and asks him,

“Would you not agree?”

Xiao Zhan pauses, ponders and reflect for a while before he replies. Since Yibo has thought so thoroughly about it, he deserves a well thought answer.

Yibo waits. He is good at it.

After a few minutes, Xiao Zhan replies,

“I see what you mean, Bo-Di. We are two independent beings, strong, connected to our elements, and free spirits. Whole. Maybe… because we are whole-selves and one together, our fears become more intense and harder to express sometimes. We get caught up in the belief that we can handle them alone, not realising that this will still impact the other, no matter how we handle it alone.”

“Yes. It seems like a battle sometimes. I think the balance between whole-self and being one with another, might help but such balance is an art to master, said a friend”, replies Yibo, moving Xiao Zhan´s short hair from his forehead, as a habit. He misses playing with Xiao Zhan´s longer hair. He loves them.

“Well, we have our whole lives to work on that. Even if we do not master it, we will work on this together, as one. To be one, is all we need”, says Xiao Zhan smiling endearingly at Yibo and Yibo, places his head, under Xiao Zhan´s chin and hugs him, humming in agreement, whispering.

“Whole life of whole Yibo with my whole Zhan-Ge.”

Xiao Zhan smiles and squeezes Yibo in his arms as an agreement.

  
For now, this much would do.

They both know that fear is a constant presence in the daily human lives, and this might not be the last time they fought the fears and doubts together. Where there is true love, and strength there is a fear to fight too. To love and to fear, both are part of human nature, after all. However, they also know that as long as they both are in this together, there would not be anything, they would not be able to fight together. That is their faith. They have faith in them and what they have between them. This is the base of their trust in the bond they have with each other. Their faith in their love and in each other.

There are two facts always worth remembering. One; There is no force stronger than faith in the human world. Two; No matter how big the hate and fears are, true love conquers it all.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi Again,  
> Thank you for reading it all. I know. I swear I planned 3000 words, and it became over 10 000. I blame these two men.  
> Kudos and kind comments appreciated greatly. 
> 
> xoxo
> 
> Ps. Random fun fact about me. I know, my user name has a spelling mistake. Believe it or not, I chose to be this way. The reason is, I wanted this user name but it was already taken, so I misspelled it to still have it. I know. Very random. hehehe. 
> 
> See you all in another sudden, YiZhan story.  
> Bai Baiii <3


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